Grounding Times

Imbolc Blessings

2012-02-02T11:48:00.000Z

There they are, right on cue. Little heads nodding in the breeze whispering of the warmth to come.

I am what I eat

2012-01-27T14:37:00.000Z

I am coffee. I am crisps. I am white bread, I am alcohol, I am cheese, I am processed meat, I am largely non-organic at the moment (how did THAT happen?) and I'm heading for a period of poor physical and mental health if I keep this up! Don't get me wrong, I'm not outlawing any of the above, I'm not a food Nazi but the problem is that's about all my diet consists of at the moment and it's not good at all.

This is my 'wake up and smell the coffee' post. Well perhaps not coffee but a 'wake up and smell the Dandelion tea' post. An acknowledgement that I've lost my way in the kitchen and need to get back on the right path again.
I've made a start already. I've only had one cup of coffee so far today and I've been drinking hot water and lemon instead. Food wise I've not done so well and have eaten two stodgy white muffins with hot butter passing them off as breakfast and lunch. Perhaps my evening meal will bear more substance.

Grateful for . . . . .

2012-01-03T07:00:00.001Z

time! Sometimes when the wind and rain pound at your window loud enough to wake you from your slumber there is just no fighting it. I was awake by 5:30am this morning laid there wondering. Wondering if the roof tiles were coming off, wondering if I would ever get back to sleep, wondering if I should just get up for breakfast. Hunger won and now that I have drunk Coffee and eaten Toast I'm not so bothered about crawling back under the duvet in search of those lost hours.
Instead, I find myself liking the solitude this time of morning has to offer and I'm sat writing this post, pondering on the day ahead and making the most of the quietness before the children appear with their crazy wide eyes and bed hair. They seem unaffected by the storm and stay snuggled in their dreams whilst their Mama makes the most of her unexpected gift. The gift of time.

Clearing out and making room for a . . . . .

2012-01-02T20:50:00.000Z

Happy New Year!

"Events that happen to us or those we love has bugger all to do with a date marking the end of a year. So lets all just settle down and the only things that will definitely change are dates and seasons." says a cynical Facebook friend.

I had to disagree with this statement, especially this year. I'm not a fan of making new year resolutions or rash statements about fad diets as they are so often the things we should be addressing or striving to achieve all year round but I do think it's a good opportunity to draw a line under the past and move on. This year, marking the arrival of 2012 has felt very appropriate for where I'm at in life right now. Pulling down the Christmas tree and decorations has a sort of cleansing feeling that not only makes me want to carry on and de-clutter every corner of the house but also has me starting afresh mentally. I'm clearing out the cobwebs and bagging up the junk in my head as I do the same to the house. So far so good. Today I achieved this;

and I feel lighter and brighter already!

New Year, Fresh Start.

2011-12-30T16:01:00.006Z

Finally, after many false starts in years gone by I can begin anew. Having thrown off the shackles of an abusive relationship in the Autumn I am now poised ready to move on into the next exciting phase of my life.
I know little of what the future holds, there are few certainties but I do know that I am ready. Ready to feel the sun on my face again, ready to feel the joy of living again, to reach up to the sky and run my fingers through the stars, race down the beach and leap into the waves, roll down as many hills as I like and dance in the moonlight.

There are so many things I want to do, so much I want to achieve. Not great things like climbing Everest or Sky-diving but simple, normal things that other people get to do without constraint or issue. Things like growing my own vegetables or planting flowers in the garden without constantly being told I'm wasting my time or being able to paint a colour on the bathroom walls without being told I'm not allowed to. I can run my own business without being told I should get a 'proper' job and skip walking the dog without fear of a lecture! I can put Carrots in the dinner, make my own Coleslaw, run out of milk or bread without getting shouted at. I can leap round the kitchen to my favourite songs and sing my heart out and no one is going to call me an idiot!

I can just be. I can breathe.

So come on in 2012. You are very welcome here. I thought perhaps 2010 or even 2011 would be the year but they just passed on by and only left more of the same in their wake. So I raise a glass to you 2012! I welcome you with open arms and with all my heart as I'm already catching glimpses of your bountiful gifts:

Happiness

Joy

Peace

Love

Friendship

Contentment

I Knew I'd kept this blog in the wings for a reason . . . . .

2011-11-05T09:02:00.001Z

Well. Here I am. Single. Free to live my life without constraints, criticism and emotional abuse. I finally made it to the place I had to be in order to make the final break and when the moment came I had the strength. People say being a single mother isn't easy but I honestly think it's going to be a walk in the park compared to the negativity and aggression that we've put up with for fifteen years. Fifteen years!!! How and why did it take me that long to wake up and smell the coffee? I do know the answer to that now. It was because I made the mistake of loving a manipulative contoller of the first degree who played on all my insecurities and projected all his on to me. In short, he broke me.

I started the rebuild six years ago after he had an affair. Since then he has regularly tried to knock me back down but my strength has been building slowly and quietly in the background and each time we argue I am better able to fight my corner. I'm not mended yet by any means and I fear I may remain a little cracked in places for the rest of my life but everyday I feel stronger. I'm wholly positive. Yes I get emotional sometimes, usually when he and I have just had a seemingly amicable conversation about arrangements for seeing the girls etc, but I keep reminding myself that this is one of his tricks. Be nice, lure me in, shit on me. Such was the cycle of our marriage. This is it! This IS the turning point in my life and I'm so happy when I think of all the possibilties.

I was going to set up a new blog. Somewhere I could grow and share that growth, and then I remembered I already did that! It's here on THIS blog! So to any of my original readers who may have stuck around, Hi! Welcome back.

Pulling Up My Socks

2011-05-06T14:44:00.001+01:00

I can't believe it's been two months almost to the day since I last posted here! It's been an odd couple of months. On the whole it's been a busy time with an overnight trip to Birmingham to visit the Gadget Show Live with Dave and the kids, a new addition to the household (of the four legged variety), sick kiddies, relentless migraines, visits from family and friends, a new business started, the Easter hols etc. But: during all that I've felt almost suspended in time! I'm not sure how I've coped with any of it really as my health this past couple of months has not been good at all. I've just been floating along in a kind of trance. I've been suffering from almost constant lethargy, dizziness and migraines. I didn't see much point in visiting the doctor (although I very nearly did out of sheer desperation on Tuesday) as it's almost certainly a result of poor diet! Too many take aways, too much alcohol, too much sugar, too many additives, uggggh! Too much everything! When it got to the point where I was almost falling over whilst walking the dog (in the middle of the countryside on my own!) I gave myself a good talking to and began the turn around. So on this morning's trip to the supermarket I added lots of fresh fruit and veg, seeds, nuts and spelt crackers to help get me off the white stodge that I seem to have become addicted to. I love wholemeal bread but my digestive system does not so I have to be careful how much bread I eat anyway. I have dug out my neglected Multivits and high dose Vitamin D3 and vowed to eat a bowl of Blueberries everyday until I get sick of them. I am also going to have to force myself to prepare a wholesome square meal every evening for the rest of the family. It used to come naturally and I enjoyed it (most of the time) but it is such a chore at the moment. I just have to tell myself that the more work I put in the sooner everyone will start to pick up. There is a high level of sibling rivalry and general aggression in the house at the moment. Hardly surprising really when we've all been following the same shoddy diet for months!

On the plus side, I did somehow manage to set up my own business this month. Enchanted Fabrics went live last week after my first shipment of fabrics arrived from the wholesaler. It's a slow start but I'm hoping it will pick up once word gets round. I'm also revamping my handmade website and trying to focus more on my cards and gifts than things aimed at children as the Uk laws relating to the manufacture of toys and items for children are changing again this summer and it's just not worth the hassle and costs when it's only a little bit of what I do.

Right Now I am . . . .

2011-03-07T15:06:00.000Z

struggling to understand how this bubbly little Pippi Longstocking . . . .

can become so ill in less than 24 hours! She started being sick on Friday evening and didn't stop until Sunday evening. She had diarrhea twice on Saturday but that was thankfully short lived and a raging temperature for 48 hours. Generally speaking I was coping with it. That is until she became delirious and started grabbing at my face. It was at that moment when that panicky 'shit I'm out of my depth' sort of feeling hit me and I didn't know whether to ring the Doc or ride it out a bit longer. I managed to keep calm and with the help of an orange frozen lolly skillfully sourced from a late night garage by Daddy things started to improve.

That was last night. This morning she sat up in bed still looking flushed and glassy eyed but I knew she was on the mend. She's very dehydrated (breath and urine smell like nail varnish remover) but we are slowly topping her up. Lollies are a godsend in these situations! Right now she's sleeping under a blanket on the sofa next to me, her little body rising and falling with every breath. Poor little love. "why me?" she keeps asking and I have no answer.

Reasons to be Cheerful

2010-04-18T15:08:00.002+01:00

Courgette babies! Nettles! Seriously happy to find I have my own Nettle plant popping in up the garden :-)

Shambolic but pretty. A little bit of colour.

Just a quick project to keep me sane.

Flower buds on Strawberry plants.

Seedlings! The ultimate for lifting the spirits.

30 days of Beauty :: Day Six

2010-04-07T10:03:00.004+01:00

Trying times and I'm finding it hard to see beauty right now but I'm sure it's only a temporary blip. In the meantime here is a rather materialistic photograph of my beautiful new shoes:

I don't normally show off my purchases but I feel justified in sharing these because they are replacing a pair of shoes that I have worn for almost five years solid and have now gone through the sole! I hate throwing shoes out, it always seems like such a waste. Even when they are letting the rain in and I can feel every stone under my feet as a walk I somehow manage to convince myself that I can get a few more miles out of them yet! Anyway I finally took the leap and bought myself some new ones and I love them to bits already :-)

30 Days of Beauty :: Day Five

2010-03-27T10:41:00.001Z

30 Days of Beauty :: Day Four

2010-03-21T14:24:00.003Z

30 Days of Beauty :: Day Three

2010-03-11T17:50:00.004Z

30 Days of Beauty :: Day Two

2010-02-23T10:16:00.003Z

My beautiful birthday cake made for me by my beautiful daughters!

30 Days of Beauty :: Day One

2010-02-21T13:46:00.000Z

It has begun

2010-02-13T08:19:00.000Z

We walked today. Just a short walk to the shops but we saw Snowdrops for the first time! Little white drops bearing the promises of Spring.

It's been too long . . . . . .

2010-02-10T08:11:00.001Z

since I last had my hands in the bare earth or sank my toes into sand on the beach. Too long since I stood in the back garden and closed my eyes to allow my ears to drink in the birdsong. I think I may be suffering nature defecit disorder. Thank goodness Spring is just round the corner!

2010-02-01T08:23:00.001Z

I came across this today, the original post can be found here.

How can she be the woman she wants to be?
They keep her down.
They continue to downplay her thoughts & feelings.
They are critical of her.
How can she be the woman she wants to be if they are not supportive & understanding?
How can she move forward if they keep holding her back?
She feels suffocated & worn down.
She gives in & ultimately gives up.
She pretends to be o.k. but she is not.
She wears many masks.
She can not be who she is around them.
She can not express herself freely.
Her thoughts & feelings don't matter.
There is so much that she wants to do.
She is sick of being restrained.
Sick of fear.
Sick of control.
Sick of manipulations.
There is so much that she wants to explore.
She has many regrets.
She thinks often of the past.
She wants to fly away.
Life is passing her by...

Sometimes I think we stumble across certain writings for a reason. I was meant to find this, I needed reminding of my path and my impending bolt for freedom (metaphorically speaking)!

Love & Light
x

Full Moon

2010-01-30T18:57:00.000Z

Touchstone Tuesday

2009-10-20T10:30:00.001+01:00

Harnessing those moments of magic.

This Kitten whom I adore,
with her tiny skeleton
purrs her affection furiously
at me, the feeder, the petter.

Read more Touchstones at Creative Clutter and Holistic Mama and join in!

They Say What Breaks Us, Makes Us

2009-10-19T12:52:00.000+01:00

They say what breaks us, makes us. I think about this a lot nowadays.

Five years ago I was heavily pregnant and happy. One year after that I was broken. I have learnt never to under-estimate just how much change can take place in just one year, just how quickly your world can fall apart. In one year all your worst nightmares can happen at once and your hopes and dreams be shattered.

I fear change now whether good or bad. I like to feel safe so I cling to the familiar with all my might.

People said I'd get through it with time. I doubted them. A couple of people even said it would make me stronger. I doubted them too. As time passes I'm beginning to realise that they were both right and wrong! If I ask myself the question; could I cope with the same chain of events all over again, then the answer is a definate no. It would kill me. And yet, I still consider myself strenghened by the experiences. In the past five years I have grown in ways I never new I could or needed to. I began as a feeble, unopinionated, pleaser and now a warrior woman (albeit one who is ironically scared of change) is emerging.

Faery Metropolis

2009-10-13T10:11:00.000+01:00

Honest Blog Award!

2009-10-12T17:32:00.000+01:00

I've been awarded this blog award with a difference by GreenWhisper! I have to say it is the most meaningful blog award I have ever received and I feel truly honoured to have received it. The award was originally created by The Purple Pixie in response to her Telling It Like It Is post.

WE ARE Honest Bloggers!

The Sisterhood of SHIfT HAPPENS!

As honest bloggers we:

(Cut, Copy, Paste, Delete, Add To...As You Wish)

* Speak our truth from the heart and tell it like it is.

* Share openly and honestly our true feelings without fear of judgement, Blame or shame.

* We write to share our achievements so others can also share our joy.

* We write about our bad times too, knowing that the love and support of others is around us and perhaps heal another’s pain in the process..

*We are human beings with real feelings and emotions and REFUSE to hide behind a mask.

* We dare to be different

* We are Free Spirits

* We realsie that by spilling out, we lighten our load.

* We acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses and don't see them in terms of success or failure.

* We laugh together and cry together
* We are all following our own journey in our own unique way
* Above all else, we may lie on the floor, screaming and kicking, or feel like life is collapsing around us once in a while….but at the end of the day, we drag ourselves up, dust ourselves off and rise to fight another day.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A heart felt thank you GreenWhisper! I may well be passing this on in the near future but for now I'm just going to accept and feel flattered :-)

Breakfast. It's Berry Important!

2009-10-12T13:59:00.001+01:00

When I started this blog one of my aims was to address my eating habits. So here I am ensuring that I get a healthy, nutritious start to the day.

Ingredients:
Organic Muesli base
Handful of Rasberries
Handful of Blueberries
Cranberry Juice

Method:
Combine the ingredients using as much Cranberry Juice as you like and adjusting the quantities to suit. Personally I like about 1/2 cupful of Muesli, stacks and stacks of berries and as little juice as I can possibly get away with, but one of my daughters prefers hers wetter and with less fruit so it comes down to personal taste.

Berries are full of good things, among them high levels of vitamin C. There's more about the health benefits of eating berries in this link; //nutrition.about.com/od/healthyfood1/a/berries.htm

So? What happened to the rest of September?

2009-10-05T13:41:00.001+01:00

It's been a while. The return to school brought with it the return of coughs, colds and sneezes and only a few days when all children were well and at school. I had to revert back to my role as full-time nurse, storyteller, feeder, cuddler whenever it was demanded of me.

So, a lot of things have been on a back burner this past couple of weeks. The books are piling up next to my bed. Some of them are crying out desperately to be read while others are falling to the bottom of the pile, the few chapters I have managed to read drifting from memory. One book screaming at me "read me, read me!" is The Tenderness of Wolves. I started it as soon as it came though the letterbox from Amazon a couple of weeks ago and didn't anticipate letting go of it until I'd finished but sometimes family life has a way of diverting our attention to more immediate concerns and I've yet to get back to it. I need to get it read as I'm supposed to be participating in the Book Club at Chewing a Leaf.

Yoga has been a difficult one too although I think I'm finding it easier to slip that in when I find myself with a few spare minutes. I certainly haven't been able to keep to my twenty minutes twice a week plan but as the circumstances were outside my own control I'm not going to be beating myself up about that. Just accept and move on.

Autumn is in full swing. I walked along the river in the sunshine this morning, crunching on fallen beech nuts and their husks and rustling the leaves childishly with my feet. If ever there was a season to inspire and awaken us then surely it is Autumn with it's glory of colour and fresh breezes upon our brow.

Me, Myself and I....

2009-09-16T11:42:00.000+01:00

I'm not usually one for posting pictures of myself just for the hell of it (always feels a bit narcissistic) but I've felt a compelling need to post this one all week.

It was last Monday, the day my last baby went to school for the first time, and D took me to Whitby for the day to try and take my mind off it!

One week on and I think the quietness might kill me. I've not been left alone with my thoughts for this long for a very long time and it's hard adapting to a new pace. I can slow right down.....ponder, savour, breathe. I no longer need to cram it all in between requests for snacks and play and stories!

I can BE!

Intentions and The Question of Space.

2009-09-16T11:06:00.000+01:00

I have set my intentions for my Personal Yoga practice! Twenty minutes two mornings a week seems realistic at the moment, anymore than this and there'll be potential for failure. When I wrote my last post I was free to practice as and when I pleased but since then a couple of mischievous little fluffballs have come into my life and I find myself grabbing what time I can inbetween "parenting" them!

I'm not sure my Yoga space is ideal either. The living room provides the largest floor space in the whole house but even then I have to be careful how I position myself for floor work because it's small. Apart from this the environment is good. The room is at the back of the house and therefore hidden from the traffic hum and door to door salesmen and I burn insense or oils in there most of the time when the children aren't around so it always smells divine. Later I will practice with a background of soft music too but at the moment I need to pay careful attention to my beginner's DVD!

I'm still feeling very positive about my personal practice and I'm pretty sure that once I have learn't more and gained confidence, practicing at home will be one of my soul foods. However, I have decided to go and check out one of the local classes as it is a "Pay as you go" class and therefore with no obligation to turn up every week. I still don't like the idea of practicing in a room full of people but I think I need to experience it so that I can really appreciate the difference between sharing a space and having your own.

I made a new "Yoga friend" this morning. A real life one! Actually I already knew her because our daughters are friends but I had no idea that she practiced Yoga until this morning. She practices at home too and is going to lend me a DVD or two so I can't wait to see what they are like.

Yoga - It's Personal

2009-09-04T11:12:00.000+01:00

Sometimes it really feels as though fate is sweeping a pathway for us! A long time ago I decided that this September would be the month that I finally began my journey into the realms of Yoga but I can't deny I've felt a little aprehensive about delving into the unknown. Over all I am excited that I will finally have the time for it, so imagine the joy I felt coming across a whole online community of Yogis via my new friend Eco-Yogini! Even better than that though has been the reading of her recent posts about personal practice space. It appeals to me in a huge way! I struggle with social contact in the real world and the thought of attending a Yoga class brings about feelings that just don't seem very um..Yoga'ish. I've never really considered anything other than personal practice and although I know that I'm not really in a position to make sweeping statements, I've never really "got" the whole class thing. What could be more distracting than a room full of people with varying degrees of seriousness and expertise? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that practising with a group of serious Yoga friends can be a lovely experience but where I live there is one class available for all and I know there are people who "go for the laugh" because I've heard them talking about it in the school playground! No, it's a personal journey for me. I know my motives for wanting to learn and I'm sure I'll be able to find all the help I need here on the web.

Ok, the children aren't back at school until next week so I have a bit of time to set my intentions. I haven't given any thought to it yet other than I know that I want to practise in the morning after I have taken the children to school so I'll post more about that next week.

Love & Light!

Grounding... or What's this Blog all about then?

2009-08-28T07:08:00.001+01:00

"Spiritual grounding is the act of being here in the present, with no misconceptions about where we are or who we are. It is about being fully aware of our physical selves, while striving to be more spiritual. If we are grounded, we are conscious of our selves, our surroundings, and our connection to the earth. We have a strong sense of being" - David Malin

Grounding is literally "coming back down to earth" if you like or touching base. Connecting with truths about ourselves and our surroundings, the nature of it all. Many people use meditation to help them achieve this often alongside a healthy diet and a simple non-consumerist lifestyle that enables them to get close to nature. I find it bizarre that meditation is often perceived (often by those who don't understand it) as the opposite to Grounding as it's aim is to enable us to focus and think deeply to connect with ourselves and therefore nature. It is so easy to lose ourselves in the fast pace of modern living. Advertisments bombard us, convincing us that we must "need" and "want", so called health professionals have the majority of us taking their words as gospel and the glossy magazines see to it that none of us are comfortable with the way we look. We all get dragged along in the current from time to time. I feel as if I've been drowning recently. Drowning in media hype and sensationalism and my own negativity. I allowed myself to drift! Thankfully something primal was stirring uncomfortably within and I had the sense that all was not well. Then one day I woke up and started swimming back to shore. It's early days and I'm still swimming but at least now I'm heading in the right direction!

The Wheel of the Year is Turning

2009-08-27T07:58:00.001+01:00

The last few mornings I have been waking in a golden glade of light streaming through the orange curtains. The position of the Sun and the slight chill in the air brings a welcome sense of anticipation. A sense that change is afoot. Autumn is my favourite time of year. The bounteous fruits, the colours, that slight nip in the air that keeps us on our toes enhancing our alertness to it all.

Where to start?

2009-08-24T09:06:00.001+01:00

I have to confess that although I know what needs addressing I have no idea where to begin. This overwhelming feeling of having too much to do or too much to think about is completely disabling and is probably the single most destructive aspect of my life right now. I suppose I should approach things with some logic and devise a plan but again these things are not easy for someone who has spent years literally "flitting" (mentally and physically) from one unfinished subject to the next! Someone who has spent years pacing from one room of the house to the next and just staring at all the things that need to be done, feeling totally out of her depth and lost.

Well I suppose that is a start. Acknowledging the need for change!